I like Colin because he is a ninja and
also a spy! Not a rubbish boring spy,
he's got like latent super powers or
some shit. That he doesn't know about.
Latent, y'know? I'm just saying: WATCH
OUT.
He really likes chunky sweaters too,
and I respect that.
I had been vomiting for eight hours. Not
continuously, but once every half hour or
so. After the first four eruptions, I had
cleaned out the contents of my stomach
and started hitting bile. I vomited eight or
ten more times after that, and started
eating and drinking things to give my
stomach something to send back up, so
it wouldn't dig down any deeper.
Gatorade, toast, cranberry juice, mineral
water, lime popsicles.
No use.
I worried that if I didn't keep feeding my
nausea, it would get all the way down
into the thirty-fourth foot of my colon,
where it would find the unmentionable:
my undying love for Qalyn.
(This is a true story, except for the part
about Gatorade. I didn't drink any
Gatorade.)
colin is really good with his hands.
I mean really, really good. sure,
there are lots of great things about
colin - he's smart, funny, weird, a
super talented shoplifter, woos scores
of women merely with a clever, well-
timed lift of an eyebrow - but it's
his hands that you'll remember. oh my
yes.
just don't let him anywhere near your
underwear drawer.
I met Qalyn at the library. He gave me a
dollar so that I could make photocopies
of a book that I was reading that he
wanted to check out. He didn't even want
the money back, he's such a nice guy.
He's a very kind and generous guy, and
it's always a pleasure to see him at the
library, or to find one of his amusing
email fowards in my inbox.
Hello. I don't actually know Qalyn but
I suppose since we are Friendster
friends we are some sort of friends eh?
Nice meeting you dude.
Rock on!
-Justin-
The question before you today, ladies
and gentlemen of the jury - is not
whether my clients, the 200-strong
zombie army, were indeed, in search of
warm snacky human brains, or even if
their mindless rampage through the
shopping mall was 'right' or 'wrong'.
Please remember - my clients, being
deceased, and for the most part -
THANKS TO THAT MAN THERE - diced and
cubed - ARE NOT ON TRIAL HERE. No. The
question IS - did THAT MAN do all he
could to avoid the unfortunate
splatterfest that unfolded? I remind
you of the moving testimony provided by
the severed, brain-craving head of the
army leader - who said - 'All I want,
brain. No trouble. Just brain.' Just
brain, ladies and gentlemen. Just
brain. Now ok, maybe he and his undead
followers became a little - exuberant
in their hunger - but we all get a
little cranky when we're peckish, don't
we? I know I do. And I would ask
you not to let the unfortunate
incident, when a zombie hand broke free
and leapt at the jury booth, cloud your
judgement. I know you were a little
upset, but honestly - how do we know it
was going to attack? Mightn't it
have just wanted to shake you by the
throat? WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Because THAT
MAN skewed it in mid-air with a pen.
Hey dude -- You seem pretty hardcore.
Maybe you should join my team of
bodyguards and ass kickers. I need to
go to Dolce tonight and kick Britney's
cunty faggot bitch boyfriend Leto.
That cocksucker. Actually.. Britney's
the cocksucker. I SAID IM OVER IT. I
DONT CARE ABOUT HER ANYMORE. WHY DONT
YOU ALL MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
See then this is where I would
say "Sick em Q"
don't listen to what these suckas'r
sayin about q being all hardass. q
could sweet talk your gramma out of a
coma, or at least outta old grampa's
arms. one time I saw him and joan
jett running through a field of
daisies, holding hands. if anyone can
tame that sexy bitch, it's q.
Testimonials and Comments for Colin
also a spy! Not a rubbish boring spy,
he's got like latent super powers or
some shit. That he doesn't know about.
Latent, y'know? I'm just saying: WATCH
OUT.
He really likes chunky sweaters too,
and I respect that.
continuously, but once every half hour or
so. After the first four eruptions, I had
cleaned out the contents of my stomach
and started hitting bile. I vomited eight or
ten more times after that, and started
eating and drinking things to give my
stomach something to send back up, so
it wouldn't dig down any deeper.
Gatorade, toast, cranberry juice, mineral
water, lime popsicles.
No use.
I worried that if I didn't keep feeding my
nausea, it would get all the way down
into the thirty-fourth foot of my colon,
where it would find the unmentionable:
my undying love for Qalyn.
(This is a true story, except for the part
about Gatorade. I didn't drink any
Gatorade.)
I mean really, really good. sure,
there are lots of great things about
colin - he's smart, funny, weird, a
super talented shoplifter, woos scores
of women merely with a clever, well-
timed lift of an eyebrow - but it's
his hands that you'll remember. oh my
yes.
just don't let him anywhere near your
underwear drawer.
i've never even met? colin rocks, but
he also sexes and drugs-es. a well-
rounded one, he.
dollar so that I could make photocopies
of a book that I was reading that he
wanted to check out. He didn't even want
the money back, he's such a nice guy.
He's a very kind and generous guy, and
it's always a pleasure to see him at the
library, or to find one of his amusing
email fowards in my inbox.
I suppose since we are Friendster
friends we are some sort of friends eh?
Nice meeting you dude.
Rock on!
-Justin-
and gentlemen of the jury - is not
whether my clients, the 200-strong
zombie army, were indeed, in search of
warm snacky human brains, or even if
their mindless rampage through the
shopping mall was 'right' or 'wrong'.
Please remember - my clients, being
deceased, and for the most part -
THANKS TO THAT MAN THERE - diced and
cubed - ARE NOT ON TRIAL HERE. No. The
question IS - did THAT MAN do all he
could to avoid the unfortunate
splatterfest that unfolded? I remind
you of the moving testimony provided by
the severed, brain-craving head of the
army leader - who said - 'All I want,
brain. No trouble. Just brain.' Just
brain, ladies and gentlemen. Just
brain. Now ok, maybe he and his undead
followers became a little - exuberant
in their hunger - but we all get a
little cranky when we're peckish, don't
we? I know I do. And I would ask
you not to let the unfortunate
incident, when a zombie hand broke free
and leapt at the jury booth, cloud your
judgement. I know you were a little
upset, but honestly - how do we know it
was going to attack? Mightn't it
have just wanted to shake you by the
throat? WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Because THAT
MAN skewed it in mid-air with a pen.
Maybe you should join my team of
bodyguards and ass kickers. I need to
go to Dolce tonight and kick Britney's
cunty faggot bitch boyfriend Leto.
That cocksucker. Actually.. Britney's
the cocksucker. I SAID IM OVER IT. I
DONT CARE ABOUT HER ANYMORE. WHY DONT
YOU ALL MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
See then this is where I would
say "Sick em Q"
sayin about q being all hardass. q
could sweet talk your gramma out of a
coma, or at least outta old grampa's
arms. one time I saw him and joan
jett running through a field of
daisies, holding hands. if anyone can
tame that sexy bitch, it's q.