Guy Branum

Good ones

University of California - Berkeley, Attended 1994 - 1998, Class of 1998, Bachelor's Degree, English, History, Political Science

Amateur Sleuth

Incest Survivor, Cultural Aristocracy, Strong Black Woman, People Who Refuse To Admit To Liking Shania Twain No Matter How Much They Actually Enjoy Listening To Her Music, Civil Libertarian, Qualified Believer in Capitalism

Gulags, Insisting to others that I'm very busy, laying on the shower floor, not crying anymore because i'm just all cried out, Finding Happiness in a Bottle, Back-Seat-Graduate-Studenting

Cat's Eye, Midnight's Children, Lolita, The Shinier Issues of Vanity Fair, Barthes, My Cruel Mistress Wikipedia

Never on Sunday, Everyone Says I Love You, Party Girl, Metropolitan, The Philadelphia Story, A Man For All Seasons, All About Eve, Mrs. Doubtfire

I HATE HATE HATE the degree to which taste in music has become the key barometer of coolness. suck my cock white belted indie pop lovers, suck it till you choke on my thick, white, garlicky, possibly aids-infected seed. No, i don't like your stupid bands... and i'm kind of self conscious about how cool you guys are, over there on your myspace, playing your band's music... assholes. i really like they might be giants, that's kind of cool, and you guys LOOOOVE dolly parton. but why do i care? and how come you'll get all over yourselves about dolly but don't give a shit about Dusty? or the Dixie Chicks, who are sublime. and yeah, i love, love, love, love Gilbert & Sullivan. sue me. find me a wordsmith as cunning as ol' shwenk in this sad age of ironic t-shirts and lame self-awareness and i'll fall to my knees and worship your false gods.

Rome, Commercials for Rent, Cinematech, Iron Chef America (Primarily to parse out exactly what's wrong with it), West Wing Re-Runs, Celebrity Poker, America's Next Top Model, Arrested Development, The Comeback... god how i mourn for The Comeback

Arrogant, misguided, self-congradulatory, currently in desperate crush with a heterosexual who procured said crush by illicit means, periodically whore-mongering, rarely coster-mongering, apt to edit profiles no one really reads, apt to look at profiles and be caught in cycles of envy and self-hatred that aren't remotely legitimated, EXCELLENT walker: attitude and bounce, but not too much. Vivacious. much better at indulging myself than in past. Fatuously preoccupied by the United Provinces of the Netherlands, and all republics that existed prior to the formation of our own. Other areas of interest: Phoenecians, The Central Pacific Railroad and it's investors, the Parsi, Upper houses of legislatures, evolutionary biology, mammals we don't think about (pine martins, shrikes, etc), Native American agriculture and domestic arts, marsupial reproduction, hipsters and their odd and reprehensible ways, the hearts and minds of homosexual men (oh, that unending mystery). you will note i didn't say pirates, ninjas or robots. that's the zany thing you say when you're writing this, the zany thing EVERYONE says (i know, i'm a single note over and over, but i live in la, and this is pissing me off). i don't care for the above... i am, however, fascinated by conquistadors, vikings, assasins (classic, muslim kind) sufis, margaret atwood, Copts, Syrian Christians, ooo, and Patroons. no one would give a SHIT about ninjas if they knew about Patroons! Rich Dutch guys with absolute authority up in northern new york, so great. also, governors-general.

I'm changing most things on my profile, but not this. it's a perfect union of my criticisms of the standardized wackiness of the current trends of popular culture and my own very specific tastes and memories. god, america, i am soooooo tired of people deciding to be original all in the same way. so tired. so tired of people thinking themselves witty or inventive for doing the same thing everyone else is.

moustaches aren't funny. they CAN be, yes. definitely. but everyone putting on the same 70's porn moustache and acting like it's a revelation... no.

ok, my screed-

I'm often annoyed by friendster profiles which try to be idiosyncratic and start in the middle of a thought to which the reader doesn't have access and fill them with absurdist specifics. That said, there's this one picture of Diane Sawyer holding hands with Nixon, and they're coming out of a door and she's smiling. i want to meet someone who makes me feel like diane sawyer holding nixon's hand.