• Chris Rathjen

      "I hail from Iowa. I live in Chicago. I work in Evanston. I take the L back and forth. I can never decide whether to write..."

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      • Rachel
      • Posted
      • If you like my laugh and Chris's smile, you should hang out with us together, because it goes something like this: Chris says something (in that news anchor smoothie voice of his), I laugh uproariously and almost fall off my chair and spill beer all over myself, Chris smiles, repeat.
      • Jesse
      • Posted
      • Bitchin' erudition: Portrait of a Wizard as
        a Young Man. This is the future title of
        Chris' biography. The foreword, as
        written by myself, goes as follows: "Few
        savored the flavor of humor and
        righteousness, like puffs of smoke from
        the ivory pipe of sagacity, as did Sir
        Christopher Rathjen, Knight of Templar
        and First Human Herald to the Alien
        Race Known as The Krull. While his
        current whereabouts are unknown
        following his battle with the balrog,
        Grimaldi, the whereabouts of his oeuvre
        ARE known, emphatically so, in the
        smiles and laughter every child*.
        Canada, in spite of his absence, still
        regards him as their Prime Minister,
        and, testament to the loyalty he inspires
        in all, the Swiss no longer espouse
        political neutrality, but rather something
        they call 'Rathjenality'."

        *That is, every baby born since 2068,
        when he decreed that a newborn's
        genetic code be laced with strands of
        his own DNA.
      • Nick
      • Posted
      • Chris is the funniest/smartest guy you
        will ever meet. And he knows it.
      • Nick
      • Posted
      • If there's a better man for hanging out
        with on a daily basis, I'd sure like to
        meet him, 'cause I see Chris all the
        time. But seriously folks, Chris is
        one of the best friends I guy could
        possibly have. Just be sure to speak
        clearly and don't make any sudden
        movements.
      • Brandon
      • Posted
      • Chris Rathjen has forgotten more about
        Mormons than you'll ever know. And
        that's just the beginning of what is
        stored in his vast intellect. I just
        dare you to ask him about the
        aerodynamics of bumblebees and their
        connection to the Harry Potter books.
        Not that Chris is a knowitall. By no
        means. If he is ignorant of any small
        thing, he will immediately admit it,
        accompanied by a thunderous cry of "TO
        THE INTERNET!" to seek out the truth.
        Chris is in possession of a cunning
        strategic mind, as well as a
        skillfully acrobatic and scathing
        wit. Though he may not be a man of
        action, do not be fooled. He could
        easily destroy you with a push of a
        handicapped door-opening button. In
        conclusion, Chris may try to convince
        you to mix Coke and red wine, but he
        will always share his Zebra cakes.
      • Carrie
      • Posted
      • If there were six Chris-es in the world, things would
        get done six times quicker. Oh wait...no they
        wouldn't. But things would definitely be six times
        funnier. =)
      • Jesse
      • Posted
      • "Ye shall know the Chris, and the Chris
        shall set you free." There are words to
        describe Chris
        like "Peerless", "Righteous",
        and "Destroyer of Entrophy" (Yes, he
        can even accomplish the oxymoronical),
        but, let me be quite frank, all those
        words are actually quite different from
        him in the sense that their meanings
        overlap. Unlike, say, "pantywaist"
        and "namby-pamby", Chris has no human
        synonym. A solely singular syno be he.
        But then he'll get freaked out over
        something like clown pornography or the
        Church of the SubGenius and you'll
        think to yourself, "Shoot, maybe I
        shouldn't have put those acid tabs in
        his EggMcMuffin." But at the end of the
        day you just end up thinking, "What a
        Peerless, Righteous, Destroyer of
        Entrophy Chris is." I'm glad I'm on his
        side.
      • Posted
      • Chris, one of the original improvisors,
        is a blast. When I first met Chris, he
        was a plaintiff in a class action
        lawsuit brought against me for moral
        corruption of character. Nevermind
        that HE was the one who always borrowed
        my underwear, HE was the one who would
        dry himself off on my sheets, and HE
        was the one doing perverted things with
        that weird red-headed girl from
        upstairs. Chris, of course, had
        improved all these allegations on the
        spot. Make him tell you about his car
        accidents.
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