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uncle tim used to dress me up in pearls
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"I go by Smoo-Chicken ("The Smoo" to some), Smooey, Monkey, Boo-Boo Kitty, and most recently, Gordita. I have two inverted..."
More about Eloise
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More About Eloise
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Schools (Other):
i was home schooled, and not very effectively at that
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Occupation:
Full-time bitch
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Affiliations:
Continental Kennel Club (what?! it's JUST as good as the AKA)
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Hobbies and Interests:
snorting, snotting, cheese, drinking beer, doing "the crazy run, " swallowing socks whole, burrowing, tearing at pant legs, making ridiculous noises, squeaky dradles, dancing on my back legs, standing on the coffee table, being pushy, eating out of the bathroom garbage can, expelling bodily fluids, hedgehogs, furry snakes, scheming & plotting, creating general disaster
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Favorite Books:
Eloise, Eloise in Paris, Eloise at Christmastime, Eloise Takes a Bawth, Eloise's Guide to Life
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Favorite Movies:
The Adventures of Milo & Otis, Men in Black I & II, Lilo & Stitch
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Favorite Music:
Been Caught Stealing by Jane's Addiction, One Mic by Nas
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Favorite TV Shows:
Ren & Stimpy, Family Guy
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About Me:
I go by Smoo-Chicken ("The Smoo" to some), Smooey, Monkey, Boo-Boo Kitty, and most recently, Gordita. I have two inverted nipples, but a perfect tail. The vet tells me that I'm overweight and have tartar build-up, but I'm not gonna let that get me down. I snore like a jackhammer. I bark at nothing. I am afraid of the following: cats, other dogs, my leash, my brush, eyedrops, eardrops, thunder, the vaccuum, the swiffer, having my toenails clipped/filed/touched, umbrellas, fans, rain, plastic bags, moving curtains, cardboard boxes, the doorbell, lint rollers, hairdryers, and of course the papazan chair. I'll front like I'm tough, but I really can't back it up. I also eat anything within my reach - that includes entire heels of shoes and the armpit linings of guests' coats. My mom and gay dad tried to get me some basic obedience training, but ya know what? I think I'd rather do things my way.
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Who I Want to Meet:
You must smell delicious and have salty palms. You must be prepared to let me lick your forehead for an undetermined period of time. Do not try to pick me up or pet my head. I will approach you on my own terms, climb all over you, completely crush your nuts (if you are male), and chew on your hair. Then I will fall madly in love with you within a matter of minutes and throw a complete squealing tantrum when you try to leave. Sound like a plan?
To be my friend, request me at eloisethepug@hotmail.com.
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Testimonials and Comments for Eloise
the past three years have been without
you? While you can be a royal pain in
my a$$ sometimes, you are my stinky
little pug, and I love ya! I dare say you're
the prettiest little puglet that has ever
walked Manhattan. And I'm sorry for
yelling for you to get your "little black
a$$" back inside the apartment when
you tear down the hallway. I promise I
won't do that much. Besides, it might
get us evicted.
tried to do the whole doggie obedience
thing with me. Yeah, right! Turned out, I had
her running in circles...it WASN"T the other
way around. Stick to your guns girl, and
we'll take over the world with our smashy-
faced beauty!
jealous of Eloise's ability to rip up furniture and otherwise wreck the
place. The only destruction I can really cause is to knock over my plants
and my waterdish, then I'm just screwing myself! Eloise... you're the
coolest!!
monkey. Always jumping on me, licking
me, pissing me off! But lately she's
been getting some training. Good
thing, too, because if she doesn't calm
down soon I am going to cook her and
eat her Bistro Burger style. Hey
barkeep, how about a Bistro Monkey and
a Pilsner Urquell?