CristoElsegundo Elzinga

University of Oregon

Harnessing Perpetual Motion

http://celzinga.blogspot.com/

Achieving godspeed through a digital wash of a John Tesh synth, speed reading between the lines, transcendental innuendo, spinning wheels to induce inverted gravity, reflecting in ornamental bulbs, conceiving starshine & cricketsong in a city null & void.

Infinite Jest, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Gravity's Rainbow, On the Road, A Season In Hell, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Catch-22, Lolita, Skinny Legs and All, Klosterman, Updike and the Sedaris oeuvre.

Raising Arizona, Pulp Fiction, Rushmore, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, Waiting For Guffman, Fight Club, Bottle Rocket, 28 Days Later, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Baraka, Swingers, Blue Velvet, The Usual Suspects, Jaws, Gummo, Welcome to the Dollhouse

Modest Mouse, Pixies, Nirvana, REM, Red House Painters, Dylan, Bright Eyes, Guided By Voices, U2, Cat Power, Cure, Camper Van Beethoven, Pavement, Elvis Costello, The Shins, Postal Service, Wilco, Depeche Mode, My Morning Jacket, Elliott Smith, The Clash

Seinfeld, The Ben Stiller Show, Conan, Letterman, News Radio, The Daily Show, Kids In the Hall, Family Guy, Get A Life, The Simpsons, The State, Reno 911

I'm reasonable (not feasible, mind you, but rational). I mix the right amount subjectivity with the right amount of objectivity to evoke a certain kind of quality. I have a particular aversion for Tina Yothers. I enjoy drinking too much to ever fall victim to alcoholism. I am worldly enough to realize that my childhood sighting of an aroused merman was in all probability just an off-course narwhal. I can pull off wearing a pink shirt. I rarely attempt wearing pink shirts. I no longer fantasize about the forest moon of Endor. I foster many theories (Of note: 35% of redheaded males are named Andy; 12% Scott. Additionally: Junior highers pictured in the "new students" section of a yearbook are most likely to be the token delinquents, dregs and burnouts of the pending high school years; but I've no time to expound upon the specific social catalysts involved). My cinema of choice is not the medley of Air Bud manifestos, unlike my slow-witted nephew, Doug. Im enchanted, in a pixilated fashion, by the mesmeric twirl of melody and verse in Find the River. Laws of physics aside, I'd like to go on holiday in a Rick Monzon painting. I have a fair amount of contempt for pretentiousness and posturing. I find relativity relatively perplexing. I can float in my dreams; swim in rare wet ones. Being a self-anointed arbiter of chic, I propose a long overdue paisley resurgence. It pains me that I cannot claim a doppelganger-like resemblance to Tony Danza circa '86. I like my tea as green as prudes. I like my wine as red as frenzied tide. I like to get spacier than astronauts. For better or worse, I am sometimes aloof. I'm of the opinion that Miracle Whip is the mother of all euphemisms. I've recently learned that every single cell in our bodies is replaced every seven years by another; thus rendering ourselves a veritable fountain of flesh. Addittionally, I'm wary of great whites and dubious clowns. So I've got that going for me.

Someone who is attractive, sweet n' sour-castic,
intellectually curious, interesting, funny, confident, an
ebb to my flow, not a Philistine, sexy, a nuanced femme
fatale, a bit off the wall, optimistic and yet fully
capable of rattling off a diabolic rant when necessity
beckons. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt if you smelled like
goddamn roses. * This qualifying list may appear to be
rather stringent and exacting, but I'm willing to overlook
the absence of one of the aforementioned qualities for a
woman applying for 'serious relationship' status; six for
mere mating.