Barney

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"Bart: Dad, there's a badger in the dog house.
Homer: Badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse!"

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"Chloe: So what's the story worth bringing out the alter Lois?
Lois: Actually, you know, now that we're both in the same biz, I probably shouldn't be leaking my story.
Chloe: I can't believe you don't trust me.
Lois: It's not all of you I don't trust. It's just one little side of you.
Chloe: Lois, I'm not gonna scoop your story. But watching you bumble through our database is like watching Clark try and dance."

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"Lincoln: First thing I'm gonna do with that money...buy new shoes.
Michael: Second thing...tacos.
Lincoln: Third thing...ice cold beer.
Michael: Fourth thing...a little toothpaste.
Michael: Ninth thing...a shower.
Lincoln: Tenth thing...a good night's sleep.
Michael: In a nice hotel...with clean sheets."