Measurements: 32-32-32. Turn-offs: people who don't use coasters; green olives; foods that have touched green olives; useless inventions like the Aquafresh "Floss 'n' Cap" that are presented in television advertisements as indispensable life aids. Turn-ons: Philadelphia; Tina Fey; affordable, domestic beer; corduroy trousers; maracas; the Interstate Highway System; the Sunday New York Times.
Will's a jet fuel genius; he can solve
the world's problems without even
trying. Will has dozens of friends and
the fun never ends. That is, as long as
he's buying. Is it any wonder Will's
not the president (he's not the
president)? Is it any wonder Will's got
too much time on his hands?
You absolutely must look at Will's
other pictures because nothing is more
perfect than the shot of him with his
hand in the air and a mic in his hand.
But maybe it's just me, because lately
I've only ever seen Will at Karaoke at
Llewelyn's. Suffice it to say that
without Will and his crew the Karaoke
wouldn't be half as fun and I wouldn't
have had the pleasure of discovering
the 3am Wednesday night karaoke dive
called Angler's (a.k.a. Porky's).
Will, back in da day, gave Keith
Richards a serious run for his money.
His drinking and cocaine use were so
bad that his ex-wife once took his car
keys, beat the crap out of him and left
him alone in the house--so what does he
do? He gets on his lawnmower in his
pajamas, and drives his tractor on the
interstate some 10 or 20 miles to the
nearest bar. Now that is dedication
that I can approve of. This guy smoked
so much cocaine that he sang an entire
set in front of a festival audience in
the voice of Donald Duck, his alter ego
when he got really high. Of course
people got real sick of hearing Donald
Duck so the records stopped selling...
and his wife left him and married Bjorn
Ulvaeus of Abba. Will called me up and
told me he wanted to see the turd that
the Mothers of Invenention had stored
in their tour band and for me to meet
him there. He said that it would be
some real top notch "brown. I arrived
only to find the bus gone and a bald
Will lying on the side of the road.
Frank Zappa had shaved all of his
facial hair off because he passed out
on his Moog Synth. Never touch Zappa's
Moog! Anyway I picked him up and hoped
a rise to London to Meet Up with Bon
Scott... Will scored a heavy Metal wig
and we decided to get some bottles of
Whiskey and tour the streets of London
with Bon. Will got bored and we left
Bon in the back seat - we just assumed
the boy was sleeping. Anyway - it's
cool. Not as bad as when Will fixed
Richard Pryor's lighter - saying -
it'll burn better for ya. Well... maybe
that idea wasn't so "hot" after all.
Will always told people not to get
burned. Pryor was an odd metaphor for
life I guess.
Will once told me, when I asked him how
he had such a kick ass karaoke stage
presense, "Showin much flex when it's
time to wreck a mic Pimpin hoes and
clockin a grip like my name was
Dolomite" and that has always stuck
with me. I don't really know what it
means, but it just proves that he's a
real G. I laugh when he tells
children "Try to get close, and your
ass'll get smacked." He's funny like
that. I could go on telling a million
stories about Will and how he strives
to bring down "da man" - but I can't -
for legal reasons. Anyway - Will is as
punk as fuck! As the song goes - "My
motherfuckin homie Will has got my
back!"
It's always nice to meet another
transplanted East Coaster. But Will
is more than nice, and he's way better
than your average coaster. He's been
known to drive folks around just
because they lost an eyeball. Like
me, he unintentionally works in the
hometown of a certain musician we both
know. He digs the Shins (there may be
a pun in there somewhere), as well as
Canadian bands who can play their own
and each other's instruments
simultaneously. He's a funhound for
sure. And he will never beat me at
trivia.
I have only met a few other people who
can sing every word on the Neil
Diamond: The Classics album, but all of
us are fucking geniuses. And Will is
one of us.
will and i met in first grade. here is what is
weird: every now and then- like, at least
once or twice a week, often when someone
is reading out a list or something in a sing
song voice- something will trigger me to
think of rollcall in first grade, and my brain
will automatically pick up at "william lamb,
mikal matton, tom nassim, lynn rosenbaum,
stanton schell, jonathan segal, hans
speilmann, catoline treadway, ashley
walde." so even though i hadn't heard from
will for a really long time before friendster
struck, i really think of him regularly. and it
always makes me happy, and i think of this
awesome kid who once drew this really
elaborate picture in art (this also being
around 2nd or 3rd grade, i believe) of elvis
singing "tuttii fruttii". everyone else was
either drawing rainbows/unicorns/clouds
(girls) or robots/nerd candy figures (it was
the 80's. go figure) (boys). will drew elvis.
how rad is that?
the world's problems without even
trying. Will has dozens of friends and
the fun never ends. That is, as long as
he's buying. Is it any wonder Will's
not the president (he's not the
president)? Is it any wonder Will's got
too much time on his hands?
just told the story about the time
Kilberg beat you up in Energy class.
other pictures because nothing is more
perfect than the shot of him with his
hand in the air and a mic in his hand.
But maybe it's just me, because lately
I've only ever seen Will at Karaoke at
Llewelyn's. Suffice it to say that
without Will and his crew the Karaoke
wouldn't be half as fun and I wouldn't
have had the pleasure of discovering
the 3am Wednesday night karaoke dive
called Angler's (a.k.a. Porky's).
the free coke. Some good shit. Where'd
you get it from again?
1. Will is a mammal.
2. Will fights all the time.
3. The purpose of Will is to flip out
and kill people.
Richards a serious run for his money.
His drinking and cocaine use were so
bad that his ex-wife once took his car
keys, beat the crap out of him and left
him alone in the house--so what does he
do? He gets on his lawnmower in his
pajamas, and drives his tractor on the
interstate some 10 or 20 miles to the
nearest bar. Now that is dedication
that I can approve of. This guy smoked
so much cocaine that he sang an entire
set in front of a festival audience in
the voice of Donald Duck, his alter ego
when he got really high. Of course
people got real sick of hearing Donald
Duck so the records stopped selling...
and his wife left him and married Bjorn
Ulvaeus of Abba. Will called me up and
told me he wanted to see the turd that
the Mothers of Invenention had stored
in their tour band and for me to meet
him there. He said that it would be
some real top notch "brown. I arrived
only to find the bus gone and a bald
Will lying on the side of the road.
Frank Zappa had shaved all of his
facial hair off because he passed out
on his Moog Synth. Never touch Zappa's
Moog! Anyway I picked him up and hoped
a rise to London to Meet Up with Bon
Scott... Will scored a heavy Metal wig
and we decided to get some bottles of
Whiskey and tour the streets of London
with Bon. Will got bored and we left
Bon in the back seat - we just assumed
the boy was sleeping. Anyway - it's
cool. Not as bad as when Will fixed
Richard Pryor's lighter - saying -
it'll burn better for ya. Well... maybe
that idea wasn't so "hot" after all.
Will always told people not to get
burned. Pryor was an odd metaphor for
life I guess.
he had such a kick ass karaoke stage
presense, "Showin much flex when it's
time to wreck a mic Pimpin hoes and
clockin a grip like my name was
Dolomite" and that has always stuck
with me. I don't really know what it
means, but it just proves that he's a
real G. I laugh when he tells
children "Try to get close, and your
ass'll get smacked." He's funny like
that. I could go on telling a million
stories about Will and how he strives
to bring down "da man" - but I can't -
for legal reasons. Anyway - Will is as
punk as fuck! As the song goes - "My
motherfuckin homie Will has got my
back!"
transplanted East Coaster. But Will
is more than nice, and he's way better
than your average coaster. He's been
known to drive folks around just
because they lost an eyeball. Like
me, he unintentionally works in the
hometown of a certain musician we both
know. He digs the Shins (there may be
a pun in there somewhere), as well as
Canadian bands who can play their own
and each other's instruments
simultaneously. He's a funhound for
sure. And he will never beat me at
trivia.
can sing every word on the Neil
Diamond: The Classics album, but all of
us are fucking geniuses. And Will is
one of us.
weird: every now and then- like, at least
once or twice a week, often when someone
is reading out a list or something in a sing
song voice- something will trigger me to
think of rollcall in first grade, and my brain
will automatically pick up at "william lamb,
mikal matton, tom nassim, lynn rosenbaum,
stanton schell, jonathan segal, hans
speilmann, catoline treadway, ashley
walde." so even though i hadn't heard from
will for a really long time before friendster
struck, i really think of him regularly. and it
always makes me happy, and i think of this
awesome kid who once drew this really
elaborate picture in art (this also being
around 2nd or 3rd grade, i believe) of elvis
singing "tuttii fruttii". everyone else was
either drawing rainbows/unicorns/clouds
(girls) or robots/nerd candy figures (it was
the 80's. go figure) (boys). will drew elvis.
how rad is that?