John Mueller

Agoura High School

University of California - Santa Barbara, Attended 1992 - 1996, Class of 1996, Bachelor's Degree, Geography

Stand up comedy, fix rubic cubes for retarded kids

Bang Improv

Motorcycles, comedy, photography, Improv, Homestar Runner, sports, acting, tennis, interior design, cooking, volleyball, beer, drinking, bar hopping, dancing, eating, sushi, vodka, surfing, skating, extreme sports, music

I don't like to read, okay!!! Flipping idiots!!

Matrix, Airplane, Fletch, Pulp Fiction, Road Trip, Unbreakable, Napoleon Dynomite, Dumb & Dumber, Zoolander, Rio Bravo, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Great Escape, Naked Gun, American Pie, The Ring, Master of Disguise, anything with John Wayne in it.

Van Halen, Hybrid, Anthrax, Jack Johnson, Moby, Tiesto, Jigga, Ben Harper, Red Hot Chile Peppers, Red West, Groove Armada, John Mayer, DMX, Oakenfold, Sublime, Iron Maiden, Cold Play, Elvis, Run DMC, Rush, Elton John, Queens of the Stoneage, Ozzy, Ace of Base

Comedy Central Presents, Last Comic Standing, Queer Eye for the Strait guy, Nip/Tuck, Alias, Laker games, news, style network, comedy, Good Eats, Surf Girls, Fashion Trance

I just got married to the woman of my dreams who found me on this silly site back in July of 2003.

I'm an aspiring superhero. Actually, I'm now working at
doing stand up comedy as much as I can. It doesn't pay the
bills yet, so...I do top secret systems engineering for a large defense contractor and I get paid to travel around an install systems. I
also want to create my own PJs. I love to motorcycle on
the weekends, sushi at night, and kinda/sorta work during
the day.
My ideal life would be a combination of living somewhere
down by the beach (Malibu, Santa Monica or especially
Hermosa/Manhattan) and having a job where I'd drive one of
my cars/cycles into work. Get in there and have my
secretary tell me my stock portfolio is up 10% and my deal
with Nike and IBM both look like they'll go through. For
lunch, I have sushi. Then come back and have my office
blinds closed so I can take my siesta. This is where I'd
get my botox treatment. After this, I'd hopefully get to
go home by around 4, no traffic, and then get home and have
my wife and 2.3 kids walking around in white linen as the
live DJ in my living room spins some grovvy house music.
Dinner would be either baja fresh, sushi again or maybe
pizza.



This guy has taught me more than anyone about life. Helped me figure out my priorites and what is most important. He calls me "Dee Da!"

I'm looking to meet a girl that is super hot on the
outside, and has no real personality or substance on the
inside. I hope she's not educated and is only working
because she feels she needs to in order for guys to think
she gives 2 shits about her life. While we're dating, I'd
like to buy her breast implants, and then some sort of
cosmetic surgury at least once a year to make sure she
remains hot. Hopefully no college classes, because then
she might become smart. Then hopefully after we're
married, she'll quit working and get pregnant and get a
copy of my credit card. Then she can just let me pay for
her to hang out with her friends all day, manicures, new
clothes, travel, etc. Then after our kids, she can remain
out of shape, which shouldn't matter because by this point
I'll be working 2 jobs to make sure she maintains her
lifestyle. If this sounds like you, please get a life and leave me alone.