An anger I forgot, May 2002

Shinen finishes his Chemistry exam today. In a swirl of sarcastic brilliance, a Peacock lands on his shoulder just as he completes an ionic equation and craps all over his desk. The Peacock spares no efforts in this most primal of duties, and every square inch of Shinen's examination desk, including his paper, is soiled by peacock pee. "Time's up!" the bitch of a Chemistry teacher announces cheerfully, and so Shinen has to submit a crappy Chemistry exam.

Which shouldn't matter really because Shinen is studying music. But it does. Shinen is barred from entering Darkmoth university and has to become a bohemian. Bohemians are 4000% more likely to take drugs than clergymen, so Shinen finds himself five years later in a French drain – down to his last ecstasy pill and tryng to make the McDonalds straw-ful of cocaine he snorted last night last longer.

What we don't know of course is that Shinen's a hell lot luckier than the rest of us. At least his poison is a physical one and can be flushed away by a well-intentioned third party. The rest of us are addicted to something else, something insidious and vicious and abstractly evil and there's no one out there to flush our routines or our habits or our family down the toilet. Marriage is an addiction: people hooked on the stuff experience a stable, tranquil, fulfilling, constant, state of unhappiness; and religion is the biggest addiction of all, a self-delusion that leads to the worship of various cruel, unforgiving father figures for a cruel and unforgiving world.

God comes down and strikes Shinen hard on the head with the butt of His shotgun. Somewhere far away, the Peacock is crapping again on some other exam paper.

Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Not quite a Ninja Turtle, I'm Leonardo da Vinci!

Renaissance artist, scientist, philosopher and all-round cleverclogs, I was felt to represent humanity and divinity from 1452 to 1519. My famous works include the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper - art that, together with my sketches and ideas,have seriously affected and enriched the society in which you live.

I was also arrested for sodomy at the age of 24, and as was common with the young men of Florence at that time, had many relationships with my friends. In the end, I was intimate with a prodigy called Salai for over two decades - despite the fact that he lied, cheated, stole and vandalised. Awww.

Numbers and pornography

My mother had sex with 1 gopher
9 months later I was born
7 years later I had my first erection
3 seconds later they cut off my balls
8 years went by I was a singing sensation
5 years after that I held the world record for the highest note ever sung by a man
2 days later I was invited to an orgy on account of my newfound celebrity
4 hours in I realised I couldn't have sex
6 minutes after that someone told me maybe it was because I didn't really want to
37 seconds later you realised you only read this piece of crap all the way to the end because of its bizarre sexual content

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

How to feel any emotion

I am the darkest unicorn (except without the beauty)
The only way that I know how to love is very badly
A tempest, in a teacup could be a sight, to behold
The storm within a thimble could be possible to own
But no one sees (or even touches) what resides inside an atom
Come close I'll (split, I'll) blow (apart, I'll take) you with me
Outside into the blackest little hole

Which Horrible Affliction are you?

this.

The lust of this fairy dazzle game catches me I
Want to fall into your sleepy-bye & nap time but the
Black wizard stalks he will catch he will catch he will
Trap you in his sleepy-bye and nap lines so

Go black grow back glow bracken and moss like
She wasn't sure we were supposed to end like

Huh.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

Sometimes we smoke

I love satellites they crash into stars
and everything falls like a jigsaw puzzle
with one piece missing trying to put
herself back together into a black coffin
cigarettes inside as a special treat.

Damage

Everything I touch and hold and love will die
Everything they told you to believe were lies
"It will all go well in the end, and
If it doesn't go well, it isn't the end."
I fight back tears of isolation and,
Putting my damage on, I stepped into everything and
Everything I touch and hold and love will die.