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"i almost blew myself up jump starting the forklift when sparks flew every where while we were distilling apple brandy. that..."
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tour de usa. She almost got me killed
by making me swim in the Altantic in the
middle of a hurrican. That's liz for you
always willing to risk other people's
lives in the name of fun.
more maligned than the blue-eyed Liz
(cf. Herodotus bk 1 section DCXX: "the
Liz's are a pernicious species,
rapacious and lazy, ill-suited to the
light of day or the labor of the plow"),
and few so maligned are so wronged. In
deed the Liz readily betrays her (for
all Lizs are female, much akin to
whip-scorpions and Swedes) true nature:
generous to friends, garrulous but
rarely annoying, ever-ready with gibe
and gambol to make merry the day and
night. Should you see a Liz, red-hair
swept back by the wind of her
motorcycle, be not afraid, but ply it
with vegetarian food, floor space, and
strong drink a plenty. Like the Little
People, a Liz properly treated is a
strong friend and true, one that shall
stand by you for years to come and
assist in times of need.
about Liz. So, I would like to say something
nice about her. But then i realized that it
would be lies horrible lies. I am sure that Liz
would not like lies so i will say that of all the
Liz(es) at her house she is definitely the
most recent.
out that liz has been known to openly
declare, in the presence of parents,
professors, hipsters, and older
brothers, that i am her best friend.
and i will bask in this glory, dancing
the happy dance, impervious to the
gails gushes and sandstorms of
planet-provided weather, for the rest
of my days.
when I was arrested for impersonating a
burro. Since I claimed to be American,
the authorities let me make one phone
call from jail. I called Liz. I said,
"Liz, I'm in trouble...come save me."
She hung up. But then two days later she
crashed through the prison walls with
her truck (that's why it has that dent),
pulled me out of the rubble, and drove
me all the way back to St. Louis in one
night. Just because that's the kind of
stand up girl she is.
it makes me want to cry. you're the
best best friend i could ever ask for.
so i decided not to try to make new
friends. no just kidding. just not
redheads. anyway you look really bad
in your new friendster picture. it
does no justice to your pasty skin or
your spots. just a joke. you know
you're cute. anyway, i love you, DC
people aren't really like you. though
there is a place for them. it's called
DC. and there's a place for you. it's
called my heart.
the absurd, I invite them to consider
that her three main social groups in St.
Louis consisted of circus performers,
lesbian rugby players, and vegetarian
med students.
She's got the energy of primal fire (as
well as the hair), is spontaneous to the
point of habit, and drinks like a fish.
The only danger is that you might
become attached to her...for Liz is like
the moon, always changing, always
moving, and gone within a month.
on Friday the 13th, she dominated the
city of Paris for a year, and now she's
run off and joined the circus. She
defies the laws of physics by being
simultaneously superhot and supercool.
Like any truly worthwhile person, she
plays ultimate and loves it. Liz does
what she wants, when she wants, and if
she wants to hang out with you...
consider yourself lucky and enjoy it.
and I go wayyy back. I can't believe
its been 8 years already. We're the OG
members of the Sac Town Posse. No
matter how much time has passed between
us, we're always on the same page. Liz
is my intellectual soulmate. We swore
that when we were 80, we'd live
together and share our house with
thousands of cats just roaming freely.
I'm going to hold you to that Liz! The
adventures of Melissa and Liz forever!