Derek Hartley

Forestville Elementary, Attended 1981 - 1983, Class of 1983
el Molino High, Attended 1983 - 1984
Alhambra High, Attended 1984 - 1987, Class of 1987

Columnist / Talk Show Host/ Attention Whore

movies, internet, xbox, tivo, Hearts, cooking, rollercoasters, travel, Boggle, alcohol, the beautiful people, my attitude problem, and my AIBO: Asta the wonder dog!

West With The Night, Louise Brooks: A Biography, Fast Food Nation, The Clothes Have No Emperor, Nickel and Dimed: On Not Getting By In America, United States by Gore Vidal, Anyone Can Grow Up by Margaret Carlson

Chicago, Contact, Defending Your Life, Go, Postcards From The Edge, Rear Window, Bringing Up Baby, All About Eve, Fight Club, Election, Peggy Sue Got Married, Midnight, Citizen Ruth, The Lady Eve, Sullivan's Travels, Heavenly Creatures, Touch Of Evil, Series 7

No Doubt, Garbage, Fairground Attraction, show tunes, Sugar Ray, Smashmouth, The Pretenders, 70s disco, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Pet Shop Boys, Patsy Cline, k d lang, Until The End Of The World soundtrack

Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, 30 Rock, Eureka, Psych, Battlestar Galactica, Bionic Woman, The Simpsons, Law & Order, Jeopardy, C-Span's America & The Courts

I have never let an enormous lack of talent or focus stand in the way of my pursuit of stardom. My mother once told me that no one would ever discover me in the living room, but thanks to the internet, she was finally wrong.

When I am not wasting my life online satisfying my need to know what other movie third actor from the left was in on IMDB.com, I am sucked into the vortex of my enormous television and all of it's high tech sidekicks. The DVR, while intended to make TV viewing more efficient, only serves to exponentially expand the amount of television one human brain can consume. Then again, Jeopardy is the best show ever when winnowed down to a zippy nine minutes. So, now I am virtually guaranteed never to have a meaningful existence outside my own head again, though my passive staring skills have never been sharper! I suppose I could leave my apartment now and again to eat complex culinary concoctions at Chelsea eateries with names that sound more like products from the Merck catalog, but it is always more tempting to multi-task at the multiplex by eating chicken strips and curly fries while watching the latest piece of crap starring third actor from the left. To be fair, my social life is not just on life support because I have constructed an overly comfortable womb far beyond the clutches of boystown and my pedestrian tastes and lack of style have largely alienated me from my homo brethern, although that is definitely true. In point of fact, I am chained to a radio microphone five days a week until late in the evening, which doesn't allow for much more human interaction than post-fun cocktails.

In a way, it's all for the best given my incredible disdain for all people. I do not seek the adoration of millions in my hunger for fame. Instead, I only wish to erect an artificial emotional and physical barrier between me and all other people. Now, is that really too much to ask?

I already know I will end up in some dreadful gay nursing home with all of my alcoholic friends, watching them shamelessly play grab-ass with the Hispanic attendants and reminisce about all the sex they used to have. While I wait, I write voraciously, turning my life into lessons
learned for untold masses and yammer on endlessly on the radio. My apartment door is always open for grand drunken soirees and hearty home-cooked meals, prepared for an array of characters better suited to dime store novels and drawing room comedies. I can often be found trying to cajole the unsuspecting into a game of Boggle, Hearts or
Scrabble that they have no hope of succeeding at. Did I mention I am also a sore winner? My anti-NYC behavior includes summering in my cavernous apartment, using my car only for grocery shopping, and wearing shorts in blizzards. It isn't pretty, but it's all mine. And finally I really should mention that I have a new video podcast which you can see at www.thesoreallife.com