Ralph is hilarious. I want to grow up
to be just like him, big green hands
and all. He also likes thunder sticks,
but doesn't appreciate when he has to
go find them in the bushes in the
morning.
Without Ralph, the wonderful music
that we knew and loved to listen to on
the way to Gemco, and on the way back,
would be lost to the ravages of time
and space. His discerning research
brought back from obscure archives
long lost treasures digitally
remastered for a new generation. And
for that I am his friend. You should
be too. I got my first Transformer at
Gemco.
My dearest Emily-Ann,
It has been 7 days since Gen. Jackson
set forth upon us his troops of the
South. During that course, not a
single hour has gone where by I do not
soil my breeches nor weep like a
newborn babe. It is cold, my darling,
and although my companions do their
best to keep each other warm, their
lifeless half-remains lose heat quite
hastely. I take exception with one
fellow named Ralph. He's a fine
cuckold from out west... a township
called "Downey." Though blessed with a
sharp tounge, god has smote upon him in
the form of unusually large green
hands. Why, Ralph's hands are of such
great proportion, I've seen a whole
regiment of Johnny Reb's flee the
battlefield in terror at the mere sight
of them! Oh, Emily-Ann, if you could
only be here, my stay in this terror
and bloodshed would pass like the sun
during harvest. In your absence, I've
proposed that Ralph don a bonnet and
sing to me the way you do before we
retire for the evening. I must say, he
has impressed more than myself with his
voice. Tarnation! We're being asked to
march now, my love. Give the children
a kiss for me and make sure that
Winchester milks the cow in a day
twice. Let us prey that a cannon ball
will not seek me out and mate with me
this afternoon. Ralph also likes Star
Wars.
All my love,
Cpl. Winfield Scott Fitzpatrick
c. 1863
Ralph comes from a place that no one
should speak of. At first he's seems
like a guy you wouldn't want to get to
know. But you'd be wrong to think that
and it would make you an ass for
thinking that. Why would you want to
be an ass like that? Anyway, he's the
kind of guy that if you ask him about
something; he would reply to your
question. yep. that's the type of guy
he is. He's kind of shy at frist, but
he tends to open up. Unless he hates
you. They he'll just kill you. Not
that i've seen him kill anyone. But I
hear things.
Few men are as mysterious or as deadly
as Ralph. At first, he may appear soft
and nice, but before you know it he
will flip out and kill you. The many
dead left in his wake stand as silent
testimony to his sheer ruthlessness in
his pursuit of the one thing that truly
matters to him: A 5th Avenue bar.
Every Flag Day his powers increase and
for 35 horrendous hours the corpses of
those he's wronged rise from their
graves and resting places to do battle
with him. Every year that he survives,
he grows stronger, but the mounting
body count insures that one Flag Day he
will be too heavily outnumbered. He
likes Otter Pops.
ralph and i met at a linkin park show.
I was fipin' shit over trown' chairs...
you know normal linkin park stuff when
i ran in to ralph he was tring to flip
over a chair with a plus size model
sittin' in it. I walked over and was
like "hey" and then he was like "hey"
we both looked at the chair and saw the
beautiful plus size model and desided
against it. bu huh huh.
wrong.
But, man...
I mean, seriously. You know? Whew!
to be just like him, big green hands
and all. He also likes thunder sticks,
but doesn't appreciate when he has to
go find them in the bushes in the
morning.
that we knew and loved to listen to on
the way to Gemco, and on the way back,
would be lost to the ravages of time
and space. His discerning research
brought back from obscure archives
long lost treasures digitally
remastered for a new generation. And
for that I am his friend. You should
be too. I got my first Transformer at
Gemco.
It has been 7 days since Gen. Jackson
set forth upon us his troops of the
South. During that course, not a
single hour has gone where by I do not
soil my breeches nor weep like a
newborn babe. It is cold, my darling,
and although my companions do their
best to keep each other warm, their
lifeless half-remains lose heat quite
hastely. I take exception with one
fellow named Ralph. He's a fine
cuckold from out west... a township
called "Downey." Though blessed with a
sharp tounge, god has smote upon him in
the form of unusually large green
hands. Why, Ralph's hands are of such
great proportion, I've seen a whole
regiment of Johnny Reb's flee the
battlefield in terror at the mere sight
of them! Oh, Emily-Ann, if you could
only be here, my stay in this terror
and bloodshed would pass like the sun
during harvest. In your absence, I've
proposed that Ralph don a bonnet and
sing to me the way you do before we
retire for the evening. I must say, he
has impressed more than myself with his
voice. Tarnation! We're being asked to
march now, my love. Give the children
a kiss for me and make sure that
Winchester milks the cow in a day
twice. Let us prey that a cannon ball
will not seek me out and mate with me
this afternoon. Ralph also likes Star
Wars.
All my love,
Cpl. Winfield Scott Fitzpatrick
c. 1863
should speak of. At first he's seems
like a guy you wouldn't want to get to
know. But you'd be wrong to think that
and it would make you an ass for
thinking that. Why would you want to
be an ass like that? Anyway, he's the
kind of guy that if you ask him about
something; he would reply to your
question. yep. that's the type of guy
he is. He's kind of shy at frist, but
he tends to open up. Unless he hates
you. They he'll just kill you. Not
that i've seen him kill anyone. But I
hear things.
as Ralph. At first, he may appear soft
and nice, but before you know it he
will flip out and kill you. The many
dead left in his wake stand as silent
testimony to his sheer ruthlessness in
his pursuit of the one thing that truly
matters to him: A 5th Avenue bar.
Every Flag Day his powers increase and
for 35 horrendous hours the corpses of
those he's wronged rise from their
graves and resting places to do battle
with him. Every year that he survives,
he grows stronger, but the mounting
body count insures that one Flag Day he
will be too heavily outnumbered. He
likes Otter Pops.
I was fipin' shit over trown' chairs...
you know normal linkin park stuff when
i ran in to ralph he was tring to flip
over a chair with a plus size model
sittin' in it. I walked over and was
like "hey" and then he was like "hey"
we both looked at the chair and saw the
beautiful plus size model and desided
against it. bu huh huh.