merkley

Billy Carter's Elementary School For Retards

Artist. Dick. Owner of Sweatshops, Clown

www.threequestionmarks.com www.bingjiling.com

Opposite Day jokes, that's all.

The Bible.. it's fucking hilarious. That whole part about some "God" guy, what a crackup. I like how that Jesus character is always hangin out with sluts and stuff.

sleepless in seattle

REO speedwagon, The Jets, Enya, Phish, Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters, The Offspring, Tony Orlando and Dawn, Jimmy Osmond, Winger, Natalie Imbruglia, Don Johnson, Kevin Bacon's Band, Bruce Willis' Band, Keanu Reeves' Band, Jennifer Love Hewitt

A Small Wonder, Punky Brewster, The Christopher Lowell Show, Oprah, Enos

I am an;
individualist, an egoist, an athiest, a capitalist, an optimist, and an artist. My bullshit detector is of the highest grade and is very very finely tuned. It can sniff a turd on the other side of the globe as well as the one in your shorts, poopypants. Speaking of turds, my shit list includes, but is not limited to:

K.Marx, V.Lenin, J.Stalin, F.Castro, M.T.Tsung, S.Sontag, M.Moore, N.Chomsky, N.Mailer, J.Christ, A.Hitler, J.Falwell, R.Nader, C.Guevara, J.Garofalo, P.Robertson, Mohammed, T.Ammiano, M.Gonzalez, J.Jackson, P.Donahue and all of those who swallow, partially digest and vomit forth the insane ideas of those listed above. My politics favor individual liberty, fairness, full disclosure and accountability. I have been self employed since 1991. Nobody loves me more than me. Nobody hates me more than me. I am www.threequestionmarks.com Oh yeah -- I am very very romantic

My Dream would be to meet a lady who:

1) has a crooked glass eye
2) has a scab on the eyelid of the crooked glass eye
3) has an eye booger by the scab on the eyelid of the crooked glass eye
4) although adamantly vegan, strangely smells like milk.
5) whistles when she says "as Jesse Jackson so smartly surmised...", due to the decay ridden hole between her right front tooth and the really gray one right next to it.
6) works as a customer service rep for Sprint
7) has that hair pulling disorder and is basically bald except for those few black hairs on the left side of her upper lip. Do those count for baldness?
8) splits and causes to bleed, her chapped lips whenever she smiles while thinking about how much she loves Ralph Nader.
9) cracks and causes to ooze, her cold sore whenever she yawns while thinking about how much she's bored by the juvenile antics of that Conan O'Brien.
10) scratches the dandruff out from under her armpit hair while explaining for the 23rd time the immorality of eating that barbaric pepperoni. "Murderer"

11) flabbergastedly chokes on her lavender flavored rice cake while explaining to me how insensitive and offensive my fat jokes are. Wait, which eye am I supposed to be looking at? Oh yeah, scabby booger eye. No wait, it's the other one, the twitchy one.
12) extinguishes her tenth unfiltered American spirit cigarette in the last inch of her soy milk white russian while drunkenly exclaiming "Every living being should be required to wear a helmet AT ALL TIMES!
13) thinks Michael Moore is a "straight forward, no bullshit genius who tells it like it is.... I bet he's a Gemini... ooh oooh, let's see what his horoscope says"
14) says stuff like "Noam Chomsky is aaawwwsssome -- ouch, that split my coldsore all the way up to my big dumbo stretched out earlobe hole."
15) says brilliant stuff like "analog is so much better than digital... digital is so cold."
16) has a NO WAR sticker right between the Che and Revolucion stickers on her acoustic guitar.

wait, that's Janeane Garofalo