Sometimes Julia is a Russian mail-order
bride. Sometimes she is some hot-shit
Long Island trash. She once
participated in the taser-ing of Gopal.
And she has awesome yellow shoes.
Whenever I talk to Julia, I spontaneously
morph into Long Island trash too. Julia
is a bad influence on me. She's like a
dominatrix-fashion plate-female
executive muse. But she's the kind of
bad medicine that no one can resist.
Actress Julia Ioffe was seen in court today
for attempting to eat babies. While jetsetting
back from the Terrace Club, she was
stormed by local newreporters who grilled
her about the incident. In a Russian accent,
all she said to the reporters was, "I do not
speak English." In fact, the only comment
we can get was from a student who went to
high school with Ioffe. She said, "You don't
just eat babies, OK. I mean, that's just
wrong." One reporter stepped on Ioffe's toe
and Julia consequently punched the
reporter. Further charges may be pressed.
comrade ioffe's icy exterior melts
like frying butter in my presence.
together, we will found a great
empire... we'll call it rome. unless
julia shows me her garter, in which
case it can be called ioffeville.
bride. Sometimes she is some hot-shit
Long Island trash. She once
participated in the taser-ing of Gopal.
And she has awesome yellow shoes.
Whenever I talk to Julia, I spontaneously
morph into Long Island trash too. Julia
is a bad influence on me. She's like a
dominatrix-fashion plate-female
executive muse. But she's the kind of
bad medicine that no one can resist.
for attempting to eat babies. While jetsetting
back from the Terrace Club, she was
stormed by local newreporters who grilled
her about the incident. In a Russian accent,
all she said to the reporters was, "I do not
speak English." In fact, the only comment
we can get was from a student who went to
high school with Ioffe. She said, "You don't
just eat babies, OK. I mean, that's just
wrong." One reporter stepped on Ioffe's toe
and Julia consequently punched the
reporter. Further charges may be pressed.
like frying butter in my presence.
together, we will found a great
empire... we'll call it rome. unless
julia shows me her garter, in which
case it can be called ioffeville.