Kelvin Hew

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Sp0rt Match *(F00tball, Badmintion)*

Scorpio

Finally we left the relationship. We knew we deserve better than just some percentage of what we wanted. But the attachment to our ex-partner lingers. It lingers because we never succeeded in making them fulfill our needs completely. This means we failed. It also lingers because we are angry that they had what we wanted and would not give it to us. For an explanation of the dynamic around the sense of failure please see column #1.

Let's talk about the issues of anger. Have you ever been in a situation when someone has something you want but won't give it to you? As far as you can see, it would be very simple for him or her. It may look like they are not doing what you want for no reason, just to be difficult, or to spite you. How do you feel in that kind of a situation? Most people would feel very angry, at least initially. They may also find that their mind will go over the situation again and again. Same thing happens in relationships. Because your partner had what you wanted, could clearly provide it, and yet did not, you find you are angry. You may also find you are repetitively thinking about him or her. Anger is a great way to stay connected to someone, albeit not a positive way. When we are angry at something or someone it overtakes our whole life, it becomes our god. Anger will permeate every interaction and activity we are involved in. This is one reason we find our past relationships hard to let go of.

There is also another reason why it's hard to let go of this type of a relationship. It is possible that the person we were involved with truly had great qualities. Perhaps with them we had truly an incredible connection. Maybe they loved us even more than we loved them. They may still love us. The only problem in the relationship was that they could only love a part of the time. The rest of the time, they acted hurtfully toward us. And yet it is very difficult to discount and throw away the connection that we had. It is even more difficult if they are still in our circle of friends. And more difficult still when we interact with the wonderful, caring side of them.

All this pulls at our heart. It throws us back in to the dynamic of anger. It also catapults us in to grief. The grief is about a relationship that has died with a person that we truly love who is alive. It is so much easier to let go of someone when it is clear they don't care about us. It may even be easier to let go of someone that dies, because there is nothing that can be done. But to let go of someone that is well and alive and loves us is an incredible task. Yet let go we must if our partner is not willing to meet our needs. And if we are ever to be fulfilled in any relationship, we must complete with our past partner.

So, how do we do this? How do we step out of the dynamic of anger? How do we let go of the living, breathing partner that loves us and yet is not good for us?

Ａ--accept（接受）
"世上没有十全十美的人"。记着，你爱他，就必须接受他的一切，甚至他的缺点

Ｂ--belief（信任）
不信任对方，经常以怀疑的口吻盘问对方，这种互相猜度的爱情就只有分手下场

Ｃ--care（关心）
关心的程度正好表现你对她的重视程度

Ｄ--digest（理解）
我们不是圣人，
总有情绪起伏的时候，
若对方是"凸"的时候，
你何不做"凹"去忍耐一下她，安慰一下她呢?

Ｅ--enjoy（欣赏）
你应欣赏对方的一切，欣赏这段爱情带给你的开心、幸福。

Ｆ--freedom（自由）
纵然已婚，也应给予对方应有自由及保持秘密的权利。

Ｇ--give（付出）
爱情这样东西不一定是你付出"一"，便会收回"一"。
但不付出，便一定没有收获。
对你的爱人，应有如对自己一样，毫无保留地付出，这才算得上真爱

Ｈ--heart（心）
爱情最重要的道具是心，
你必须真心对待，用心去爱。
没有心，又怎称得上真心相爱？

Ｉ--independence（独立）
甜言蜜语的人会说："我是为了你而生。"
其实，每个人都有自己的生存意义，
不应过分依赖对方，成为对方的沉重负担，甚至累赘

Ｊ--jealousy（妒忌）
适当的妒忌、吃醋能表示你对对方的重视，
但切记是合情合理的吃醋；
反之，毫不讲理，大发雷霆地吃醋，
必惹反感

K--kiss（吻）
一吻胜过千言万语，
轻轻的一吻已能代表你惜她、爱护她，
所以请不要吝啬你的红唇

L--love（爱）
都说是爱情，没有爱又怎会有情呢？

M--mature（成熟）
为什么一般人的初恋总会无声无色地惨败，
因为年轻人多恋爱得较幼稚。
人成熟一点，你的爱情便会早熟一点，直到开花结果

N--nutural（自然）
很多人初拍拖时都会把一切的缺点隐藏起来，变成另一个人。
日子久了，缺点才一箩箩地出现，令对方吃不消。
其实，不做作，流于自然的爱情才是细水长流的。

O--observe（观察）
经常细心观察爱侣的喜好，不但能更了解对方，更能给他惊喜。
那份心意必定比礼物来得珍贵。

P--protect（保护）
做男朋友的当然要保护女朋友，
但做女朋友的亦要保护对方的尊严，
不应容许别人中伤、侮辱你的另一半

Q--quarter（宽大）
宽大是基本的要诀，
对爱侣的错误，
以宽大的态度原谅他，
因为你是最爱他的人

R--receive（接收）
对于爱侣为你所做的，请不要表现得无动于衷，令他气馁。
她付出，你便应以欣赏的态度去接受，这才能令感情更进一步

S--share（分享）
若你爱他，就必能与他分享他的喜与哀，这是作为一个伴侣最简单的责任。

T--tender（温柔）
歌都有得唱《love me tender》啦！爱人当然要温柔地爱，因为男人女人缺乏温柔都不可爱

U--understand（明白）
不明白对方的想法，对方跟你说话，你永远只独自发呆，那就是一段缺乏沟通的爱情。多站在对方立场，将心比心地想，必定能更了解你的另一半

V--veracity（诚实）
对爱情，必须一百倍的诚实