Barathan

You aren't fat. You're buff! Your muscular body drives them all crazy with lust. Your strong arms are helpful when moving automobiles and other large objects, and your strong legs propel you quickly towards any goal. You're awesome.

It's both modern and fashionable. Perhaps you have a genetic disposition for it? Perhaps you've done a bit too much of the booze and cigarettes? Your fate is already certain, so prevention isn't really an option. Party it up!

No one cares if you're smart or not. That's because you're a pirate! We all love pirates! They speak funny and they dress funny. Whether they're moronic or not, pirates are a good time.

You aren't in love, but you aren't lonely either. You're at peace with yourself. You're comfortable being alone, but if you find someone special, you're willing to explore the possibility of love. You are a strong person indeed.

Cute people are highly suspicious! Because you're cute, people naturally trust you. That trust, however, may be misplaced. Often a cute demeanor is merely the cover for a nefarious person.