Matt Carpenter

Hard Knoxxx

Writer/rodeo clown/meat popsicle

IATSE Local 871, Skull and Bones, NASA, PADI, NAFTA, AA, The CIA, CHIPS, Girl Scouts, The Pointer Sisters, The Venice Beach Summertime Apprecitation Fund, The California Department of Fish and Game, El Diablo, Los Lobos, Segrams, and countless more.

skinny skiing, going to bullfights on acid, selling words...

Whatever Oprah's reading

Band of the Hand, UHF, Aspen Extreme, Gigli

Mars Volta, Dr. Octagon, Fugazi, Social D, Leonard Cohen, The Pixies, Dead Kennedy's, Clash, Tribe, de la soul, Beatnuts, Souls of Mischief, Johnny Cash, Skinny, Mark Farina, Jeff Buckley, Op Ivy, sunz of man, way more shit than could fit on the page.

What's a TV?

Im a capricorn, I like long walks on the beach, listening
to Yanni over a nice vegetarian lasagna, clubbing seals
(hey my fur coats gotta come from somewhere), Mike Ness,
and making
shit up. And yes, some of my DNA has been in outer space for a brief period of time. I didn't make that up.


My turn-ons are: green eyes, porn, clear water, people who like hockey, people who don't like people that don't like hockey, music even I've never heard of, 7 and 7's, and roast
beef.

My turn-offs are: people that don't smoke, people that
drive a honda element, SARS, Utah, and people that get all
pissed off when you burn their couch with your crack pipe.

People from my planet RXX-0f451. We got seperated when
our
ship crashed into a Las Vegas strip club called Crazy
Horse
II, and I miss them very much. I also want to meet midgets, knife fighters, a boy named Sue, Jimi Hendrix, and anyone else, as long as you can count to a hundred without stopping.