He was a mean man. Just like you! He did naughty things. Don't repeat his mistakes. Don't invade Russia.

The greatest of all theft, grand larceny is about exploiting the weak, taking their things, and profiting! You are a felon motivated by the promise of easy living off the riches of others. You are a true American hero.

You won't be rich, instead you'll be sad. After a lifetime pursuing wealth and success, you'll discover that you're just not that kind of person.

Cute people are highly suspicious! Because you're cute, people naturally trust you. That trust, however, may be misplaced. Often a cute demeanor is merely the cover for a nefarious person.

Your corrosive personality has made you a few enemies in your time. Even your friends can find you a bit disagreeable. At some point one of these enemies (or friends) will become so tired of your antics that he will poison you. Cool.