Brian

Chico State, University of Reading, Naw Mean!, Concord High School

Chinese School/Mesh Magazine

I'm affiliated with the San Francisco Giants, And I'm an Irish Citizen

Shark Week, toy cameras, newspapers, tortas, watching baseball, playing guitar, Mondays at El Rio, Fridays at Hush Hush, GAMH, BOTH, the Hemlock, Rosamunde Sausage, Merlot, The Ruby Room in Oakland, Kate's Kitchen, Junk in the Trunk, Tetris, An Bodhran

David Sedaris, bla, bla, bla, The Sun Also Rises, Tender is thNight, Naked, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Bre

The Gods Must Be Crazy, The Big Lebowski, City of God, Donnie Darko, Miller's Crossing, Drugstore Cowboy, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, The Untouchables, The Godfather Part 2, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

Stevie Wonder, Mogwai, Karp, Portishead, Drive Like Jehu, Hot Snakes, Track Star, Beyonce, Kinski, Mazzy Star, The North Magnetic, Kill Me Tomorrow, Trail of Dead, Mission of Burma, Song of Zarathustra, Joy Division, DCFC, Astrud Gilberto, PJ Harvey

Everything on SF Public Access, Chappelle Show, Changing Rooms, The Young Ones, The Twilight Zone, Caliente, Bob the Builder

Sagittarius

First off, if you voted for Arnold: Fuck you. You're a
moron...Elias's testimonial is
totally true, if
by "nailing" he
means "getting dissed by." If you list John Mayer in your
favorite music, please don't message me, we can't be
friends. Johnny Cash is God. No one on this planet can
beat me at Tetris. I once choked a white-belt wearing,
jelly
bracelet sportin', bedhead hipster at Slim's, so don't
fuck with me. My nephew rules it. He's two and
likes to say the "F" word. Even though he's really
trying to say "truck," it's still pretty cool. Primary
colors are the new black. I think bangs are worse than
mullets. I'm over the whole low self esteem shtick I've
been working on for the past 25 and a half years and have
decided to become a badass: I'm thinking of changing my
name to Radrigo. I'm not half as
entertaining in person as I am in this Friendster profile.
I saw Hope Sandoval at a Giants game recently. Then I saw
Liz Phair down by Union Square looking all J-Lo'd out in
some boojy ass sunglasses and a miniskirt. I'm fully
expecting to run into PJ Harvey by the end of the week. I
have an
alter ego that has a mustache. I think Afrin may be the
greatest invention of all time. Or maybe Pepto Bismol. Fu
Manchu sucka. (The facial hair, not the band.)If you're
from Boston, God hates you.

People with stupid tattoos. People who want to write/take
pictures for my magazine for free. People who know where I
can get a t-shirt from a band called P.E.E., the one with
the heart on it in red, size medium. People who want to
submit fiction to my magazine. People who want to buy a
Les
Paul Double Cut from me (seriously, it plays itself).
People who think that song "Bandages" is ultra-annoying.
People who know Mike Tyson. People who, if they had a
boyfriend that was a terrible dancer, would let him dance
and not make fun of him. People who play drums. People who
like to watch baseball. People who will believe me when I
tell them that one time I was walking in New York and
Marisa Tomei was filming a movie and I walked within a few
feet of her and we totally made eye contact. People who
know Marisa Tomei. People who know PJ Harvey. People who
want to make me omelettes. People who know that
the best torta to be found in the Mission is at that
taqueria across from Doc's Clock. People who want to
debate
that fact with me. I take it back, Taqueria Cancun is the
new champ. PeePLE WhO DoN't RiTe LIke THiS aNd
DoN't SpeLL TheiR wErds aLL FuNNee. People who think that
Travis from the
Dismemberment Plan should shut the fuck up during his
concerts and just play music. Someone who can explain why
they make pleated pants, besides to make you look dumpy. I
don't want to
meet Jewel. People who, if they were your
ex-girlfriend and you had a picture of yourself looking
super cool with a mustache as your friendster photo,
wouldn't say "you look like a wreck. please take that
picture down, it scares me." Venture capitalists who would
like to support some of my great ideas, including a dog
rental service. People
whose interests don't include chillin'. Hot girls named
Katrina from the Peninsula. People who think
Tucker Carlson is the anti-Christ. People from Davis who
would like to point out my flaws. Jose Uribe. People who
realize that I ain't gonna pay $8 a month to use
Friendster. People who can explain the big fuss about
Kavalier and Clay. People who can explain to me why we
still have the word "whom" and if I really need to use it.
Ibrahim Ferrer. People who can teach me how to dance to
Cuban jazz. People who can reteach me Spanish. Norah Jones
is on the list too. Alexey Pajitnov! Five gay guys who
want
to remodel my apartment and teach me how to dress, cook
and
comb my hair. People who are Supreme Court justices that
realize it's okay for gay people to get married. Thank you.