Stuart

      "I'm 30 years old. I own a home that I am fixing up in Northern Liberties, Philadelphia. I work full-time as a project..."

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      • Todd
      • Posted
      • I told him not to do it. To this day,
        I am not sure that he actually heard me
        though. Oh well. What's done is done,
        and I am pretty sure the guy had
        insurance. We were at that age when
        the innocence of childhood had already
        taken a three to four year beating by
        puberty, and emerged with an actual
        license to operate an automobile. And
        gravity had always been fun to test
        (for scientific purposes, of course).
        So who could blame Stu when he released
        the emergency brake of the maintenance
        van at the top of the largest precipice
        in our suburban neighborhood.
        (Continued in next testimonial)
      • Todd
      • Posted
      • Plus, the fuckhead who was driving said
        van had maliciously and violently
        bumped into Stu as he left the
        convenience store moments earlier, and
        then had the unmitigated temerity to
        look back over his shoulder, lock gazes
        with my bud, hock a disgusting, 30
        years worth of smoking, brown lugar at
        his feet and mutter "watch where your
        fucking going, kid!" So who could
        blame us for following this
        curmudgeon? (continued in the next
        testi)
      • Todd
      • Posted
      • We had to see just what this vile
        creature was doing in our hood. And we
        had to get revenge. So maybe a drive-
        by egging or toilet papering of his
        car? No way. Not good enough for our
        protagonist, Stu. Stu needed more.
        The van was practically teetering on
        the brink of Overlook Circle, parked by
        the curb, the sliding door open to
        reveal tool boxes and plumbing
        equipment. Stu looked around, and
        seeing the clear coast, hopped up into
        the van. In moments he was running
        back toward the car. He got in and we
        sped away. In the rearview mirror I
        could see the van picking up speed
        behind us. If you want to know how
        this story (and myriad others like it)
        ends, you will just have to meet Stu,
        won't you.

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