dnkypunch'rella

school of hard knocks. or is it knockers? whatever. i was high the whole time.

aggressively unemployed lawyer/bacon farmer

we can span time together, just don't touch me

overthinking/-analyzing, overindulgence, brazen lounging, instant gratification, art [klee, gursky, metzger, whitfield, soule, wilson, bontecou, ryden, sorren, rothko, sieben, schiele, r.land...], spooning, butt humping, crazy hobos, space, ocean depths, bookworming, cheese, video games, snowboarding, salad tossing, poker, chess, legos, magic sand, red hots and other sweet sweet candies, meat!

spec-fi/-ish (e.g., shorts circa '34-'63, snow crash, fairyland, demolished man, ender's game, rendezvous w/ rama, dune, left hand of darkness, startide rising), hawkline monster, missing piece+big o; hesse, sedaris, chabon, franzen, lethem, neruda, irving, foer, calvino, silverstein

p.t. anderson, wes anderson, kaufman, coen bros., jarmusch, guest; dirty rotten scoundrels, princess bride, the jerk, clash of the titans, safe men, spellbound, thief of baghdad, labyrinth, iron giant, spaceballs, bananas, neverending story, beastmaster, adventures of baron munchausen, rosencrantz & guildenstern are dead, top secret, patton, three amigos, cousins, like water for chocolate, homemade porn, wet hot american summer

indie/-ish, e.g., modest mouse, built to spill, neutral milk hotel, operation ivy, pavement, pixies, seam, trail of dead, minor threat, turbonegro, bedhead, descendents, minutemen, tarawa, 400 blows, ashtray, beastie boys (well, paul's boutique), cat power, belle & sebastian, my bloody valentine, kleenex girl wonder, otis redding, can, etc., etc...

simpsons, curb your enthusiasm, strangers w/ candy, deadwood, daily show, aqua teen, venture bros., sealab, six feet under, ali g, family guy, wpt, glick, mr. show, sifl&olly, mst3k, reno 911!, sopranos, law&order(s), monster house/garage, larry sanders, st:ng, west wing, plenty of discovery/TLC/nat'l geo./history channel stuff...

Gemini

when i was a kid, i tried to memorize my freckle patterns and point them out to my mom, so she would know if i was ever replaced by a robot imposter. * i am blessed with two terrifically handsome and freaky tube cats who rule my life. * i'm good with spelling and grammar, but perhaps overly familiar with commas, semicolons, parentheses, and hyphens, not to mention run-on sentences. * my bones might just be made of lead. * my teeth chatter at odd times. * i have a [too] hearty appetite for all kindsa stuff. * i'm bright but procrastinate to extreme--no, more like X-treme! degrees. * i would love to swim with tigers. * after i swim with dolphins. * and whale sharks. * i have a considerable problem with tardiness. * i feel like a total fucking dork right now. * yes, i watch too much tv. climb off. * i can be crude. very. (big deal.) * i eat too many nuts. * i'm all about rocking the sneakers and tees. * and other methodologies that emphasize maximum comfort+minimum effort. * oh, and good clean strong teeth, they're super important. * living under the sea is pretty much my answer to everything. * i like backing that ass up. * my favorite childhood daydream involved having a pet unicorn/pegasus that could shrink down small enough to fit in my pocket while at school. * okay, that's still my favorite daydream. * i've found love on the internet, and am even willing to admit it. (shut up. most everyone still sucks eggs.) * i need to leave the house more, but i hate people... so... much... * i like to touch flowers. * i'm currently accepting donations. * i consider tomatoes to be the most poisonous of all raw fruits and cooked vegetables. * i just might use the word "just" just a little too much. * wait, did i say i'm not prone to rambling? well, i guess i'm a big fat liar, too.

cowboys. injuns. lemur walkers. wordsmiths. banterers. rock candy miners. monkey puzzle trees. air hockey playmates. sea dragons. those with admirable jib cuts. who are foxy. raw whole cashews. short bus friends. four-square champions. horse and/or dog and/or butterfly whisperers. folks recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists. non-fucktards. fellow rage-aholics. donkeypunchers. sugar gliders. people obsessed with my forbidden closet of mystery.

*any/all of the above must be able to make me laugh till someone wets my pants.

*bonus points for robert evans, han solo, ricky jay, bill hicks, lenny bruce, any decent tv magic queers, master shake, your mama.