People think of me as light-hearted, whimsical, easygoing. But they see only the gorgeous facade that I show to the world, not the empty darkness inside. So who am I? I'm a thirtysomething gay professional living in D.C. There are approximately 7,643 other gay professionals in this city who are more or less exactly like me. The only difference is that I'm part of the most popular and powerful clique in D.C. We play croquet with one another, are mean-spirited, use our own unique slang, and enjoy playing cruel pranks on people. Even though we are worshipped and adored, we despise everyone who isn't part of our clique, and continuously bully our less physically-attractive, ill-mannered inferiors. I have no idea how I ascended to such popularity. As a child, I was cute, adorable, sweet. I always did my homework. I did not pick my nose. I rarely made fun of the handicapped or the orphaned. But then gradually along the way I became corrupted until finally I reached my present sorry state. As someone I unsuccessfully tried to seduce the other day put it, "Back in my childhood, you were exactly the type of people my mother would forbid me to invite home probably because she feared they'd end up stealing the silverware or converting me to homosexuality. I find my friendship with my tyrannical friends both tempting and repellant, as it is based mostly on peer pressure, domination and vanity. But I'm a gay professional in D.C.: it is my job to be popular. If you want to know more, click on the video below. Or look for me at the bars. I probably won't talk to you, much less remember your name, but don't take it personally. I have a drinking problem and black out frequently.
I have begun to wonder if Mark Stewart Hayes is one of innumerable incarnations of Avalokiteśvara ("Chenrezig [spyan ras gzigs] in Tibetan), the bodhisattva of compassion. It is well-known possible successors to the current incarnation must show familiarity with the favorite possessions of the current Dalai Lama. It is also well known the 14th and current Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso is fond of PCP cigarettes, hard-core pornography, boxed wine and backgammon. Frankly, I've never seen Mark without a box-of-wine in one hand and a video tape of hard-core pornography and a backgammon board in the other, with a PCP cigarette dangling from his mouth. Perhaps Mark is the true 15th Dalai Lama?
A master cameraman, as long as you want to watch 2 hours of various and sundry crotches and 30 minutes of a bag of chips. Come to think of it, that sounds like more of a drunk letch. At least always good for a bitchy comment.
you are not married. there was no ring on my finger the last time i checked. but speaking of matrimonial affairs, dear, please don't forget to pay rent tomorrow. your war-weary husband doesn't want to deal with eviction from baghdad. one more indignity would drive me over the edge. oh, btw -- did the kids finish their homework?
Testimonials and Comments for Mark Stewart
Also, it's spelled Hawai'i.